$5.20

Five Dollars and Twenty Cents

That is approximately what I am paying every hour of every day that I am enrolled in graduate school (not including the extra loan I took out to cover living expenses). Yes, I think about this, probably more often than I should. I'm thrifty person, and it seems very counter intuitive to spend more money than I have - isn't that the first commandment of personal finance that is not to be broken. But school is different right? It's an investment... 

Is an advanced art degree really worth $60,000? You know what I've learned so far? That only 10% of MFA grads continue to make any art at all after they graduate (note: 5 a's in a row!). Now a statistic like that doesn't actually discourage me, but the question is still to be explored: Why are my professors teaching me that statistic? I've also heard that the MFA degree is the most popular advanced degree to be awarded; again, not very encouraging. 

$120 a day for 9 months. That would cover regular yoga classes for the rest of my life.

Doubt. All artists have doubt. Do I doubt whether or not I will continue to make art? No. Do I doubt whether this degree is really going to help me get where I want to be? Yes. Do I know exactly where I want to be? No.

Ahh, sweet unknowing, your scent fills the night air and intoxicates. 

Even though I know it is not fruitful to  dwell on the anxiety, it is easy to indulge in doubts when there are challenges. Doubts offer a way out, and they always buy time. Hesitation, the difference between a tourist and a local. 

The best response to this question, I've decided, is that: since I've already laid down the money for this adventure, it would be silly to waste time I've already paid for by re-weighing a decision I've already made. The best thing to do is to get the most out of it until the point when I am faced with the decision again, at which point I can re-evaluate.

Oh! The exciting life of spending ridiculous amounts of money!