The Future?

It's a quiet morning. I'm sitting in my kitchen, listening to the hum of the refrigerator (it's a loud hum). - I finished packing all my art supplies yesterday. The only things I left out are my sketchbooks and a travel set of watercolors. - I'm not sure what I'll do when I arrive in Oakland, but as long as I've got my tools I can always explore and make some pictures.

I wonder what kind of art I'll be making after I move. Will I continue with the same projects I've been working on? Will I actualize the projects that have been swimming around patiently in my head? Will I begin work on those projects only to realize that they don't withstand the elements of my new context? Will my mind and heart and creativity move in an entirely new direction?

I will have to wait. It is impossible to see, with the mind that I have now, what will be. What I do know is that things are going to be very different, and that I am ready.

Quit My Day Job

Today was my last day of work at my "day job": waitressing. I like to joke that working as a waitress, or a barista in a coffee shop, or a bartender, are the entry level positions for fine artists.

I've declared in the past that I'd never work in a restaurant or coffee shop again, but, so far, I've made a liar out of myself. - I guess I can't say, for sure, that I'll never again serve food and beverages for a living, but I hope not. I always think it'll be great and I always end up loathing it. - That's why I'm going to grad-school. I need credentials. I need witnesses. I need those 3 capital letters to put on my resume that impress the skeptics enough to make them cooperative. 

Without credentials, street-based or otherwise, why should anyone believe you, and why should they pay you, or support you otherwise, to do your work? It is not enough that the work is good. Most people aren't educated or sensitive enough to recognize that the work is good, or even what "good" is and why it is valuable. And more than any of that, most people are afraid of truly creative work. - Unless... someone that they respect tells them it's okay. And that brings us back to credentials.

Watercolor - Ketubah with Details

I finally finished the Ketubah on Thursday the 17th. I'm really happy with how it came out. I think that it is very appropriate for a wedding.  The bright colors give it a cheery, celebratory feel. 

The image is imbued with many layers of symbolism. My favorite parts are the rake and the shovel which symbolize the couple's love of farming and agriculture, and also the effort necessary to cultivate and maintain a lasting relationship; the flowers in the tree canopy (some of the couple's favorites) which are used decoratively and give the whole piece a joyful, vital quality; and the gold in the leaves and on the roots. The gold watercolor that was used in the piece is actually real gold. I used it in the two places where the trees mingle with each other and become connected. Gold has a special radiance and value that transcends the two dimensions of the art piece.

Text will occupy the center area. A professional calligrapher will scribe the couple's eternal vows. Then they will both sign the document at the wedding (I think).

Details:

Shovel, Garlic Scapes (peeking out from behind the tree), Tomatoes

Rake, Sunflowers, Agrostemma

Intertwining Roots, Lake

Poppies, leaves, and bachelor buttons (note the gold in the leaves).

One Last Project

During the last week I've been focused on creating artwork for my stepsister's Ketubah. A ketubah is a traditional Jewish marriage contract. They are a very special document which is illustrated and which contains a text, sometimes traditional, sometimes chosen by the couple, to reinforce their vows. I am illustrating the ketubah with symbols that are both timeless, and specific to the couple's experience and values. This is my wedding present to them. It's special because they are going to have this in their house for the rest of their lives. When they look at it they will remember their wedding vows and the things that brought them together. I feel very honored to be contributing to their lives in this way. 

I'm doing the piece on 18"x24" watercolor paper. I drew everything out beforehand and now I am in the process of painting and filling in. I'm really enjoying it.

This is the last art project I will do before I move. After this is finished I am going to pack up all of my supplies (and everything else I own) and get ready for the trek. I've already moved everything out of my studio, so I'm working at home for this project.

Open Studio

The open studio was a great success. 

Loads of materials were passed on to inspired creative types.

Artwork was available for viewing.

The first version of the "Can Project" was erected, in all it's 3D glory.

Here's some pics:

This is the Can Project version #1

Here is a close up of the labeled cans (version #1)

Part tin can telephone, part commercial product, part social commentary.

Response to Withdrawal of Proposal

"Thanks, ---.

We're just so swamped and it's a very unique proposal that requires more attention than we had been able to give it. It's a bit precedent-setting and could be perceived as political, and approving those sorts of things takes a lot of time. I'm sorry you don't have more time to schedule this, but I understand.

Thank you for being so patient.

Best in your future endeavors,

---"

This was the response that I received to the withdrawal of the proposal for the Can Project.  "precedent-setting" - that has a nice ring to it.

It reminds me of  a project I facilitated several years ago. I worked with realtors and graffiti artists to create peace-themed murals on a boarded up building in the local downtown area. When I originally went to pitch the idea to the realtors I remember that I made a point of bringing a recent article from the NY Times about how graffiti was respected as an art form and how people traveled from all over the world to  view, and contribute to, murals on a particular set of buildings in Brooklyn. I brought the article with me to the meeting in an effort to lend credibility to the project I was proposing; to show that my project wasn't that far outside the box, that in fact it was quite a popular concept. -- I neglected to make a similar effort when I approached the local market. As I reflect on the approach that I took, I realize that I made a big assumption. I thought that the market would be in favor of subversion, of stretching boundaries, of making  a splash, of taking chances. I made this assumption because the market, which is a co-op, seems to do so in many ways already. This however, was a silly move. It is wonderful to hope for unquestioning support, understanding, and camaraderie... but it is best to be prepared for resistance. Conservatism lurks in even the most unlikely of hosts. -- Another way to look at it is that it's important to remember that stretching boundaries brings up a lot of anxieties for people and can make them feel vulnerable and wary. Therefore, part of the process of engaging in this kind of project cooperatively with another entity is to support them through their uncertainties.

Video - Giallo Ballet

a windy day in San Francisco

walking in the park

fauna line the avenues

flora whisper "hark!"

(hint: try viewing with the volume turned all the way down)

Withdrawal of Market Proposal

I officially withdrew my proposal for the art installation at the local market. The time window was quickly becoming non-existent. I'm glad all those loose ends are wrapped up and now I can start focusing full-time on the open studio. "Full-time" really means any spare time I have between working a "normal" full-time job,  keeping up my social life from wilting and my home environment from falling to shambles (being a developing artist is like always working two jobs but not necessarily getting the credit for both of them!).  

I'm looking forward to the open studio. It's going to go ahead on the 25th. I'm planning to have the Can Project (Installation piece) all set up for that night, it's going to be great to see it materialize. 

Can Project goes ahead with Open Studio

My last post was a week and a half ago. I did email my market contact on May 26th. I told her that I would be moving and asked if there was a possibility of doing the event at the end of June. She said that she would "...talk to some people this week and get back to you". That was one week ago today - I haven't heard from her. So, I'm going to let go of the market as a possible setting for my installation and interactive art event. I'll email her and let her know, it's polite to follow through, even when other people don't, it's just nice to have closure. 

As far as my "plan B"... I've decided not to organize a show/going-away-party at the gallery. It's just too much. First of all, I'd be committed to getting all the work done, which I plan on doing, but if I get insane with stress and moving/school details it would be nice to have the option of letting go of some goals. Second, organizing it all... posters, handouts, framing, transporting work, setting up, breaking down... that's a whole other project. So, I'm letting it go. It was a nice idea but, considering the big transition I have ahead of me, I think it's wise to take on less.

Instead of the market, or the gallery, I've decided to set up my installation at my open studio/studio sale. I usually do one of these when I move out of town. I put up old work and sell it, for sometimes ridiculously low prices. The point is to clean out the studio, pass on my work to people who will appreciate it and care for it, and make a wee bit of money for the move. Well, this time it is going to be the biggest studio event yet. I'm going to sell/get rid of a lot of supplies, I'm going to offer old work up for sale (or trade), and I'm going to show my new work. I think there will also be a bit of a party atmosphere, after-all, it's my send off. It may be the last studio I rent in Burlington. The projected date is Wednesday, June 25. That's 3 weeks from today. I've got a bunch of work to do before then. I think I will put a listing in the local paper, and make handouts. I've also been thinking about making V.I.P. invitations which would get you in the door an hour or two earlier for special mingling and deals on supplies. I've already given my notice to the studio manager. June is going to be my last month. After the open studio I'll start the moving out process. It's going to be hard to get rid of a lot of my materials, but realistically, I can't take all of these partial, unfinished projects with me. I need to let go. 

I have so many unfinished projects. So many explorations that I began, excited to reach into a new pool of meaning. But I didn't follow through with them. They sit in paper bags, rolled up in tubes, folded in the pages of books. It's sad. Each one of those projects had the potential to develop and blossom and reveal a message. Why didn't I finish them, what was missing? -- Something that I am learning about my process is that I have a tendency to get really excited about starting a project. I have a lot of ideas. I feel inspired all the time. That first impulse to create feels so good. It is a gift. It is easy. This burst of energy and confidence that points in a clear direction and says "GO!". There is a part of me that wants to follow each one of those trails that stretches out before me, each one of those leads. To do so, however, is a distraction from real productivity and creativity. 

What I have been learning lately is how to avoid over-committing myself to that first impulse. I have been learning that not every idea necessitates a big project, and I have started developing methods for screening my ideas. This is where my sketchbook comes in. The sketchbook is a fabulous tool for exploring ideas, and making plans without diving into materials and processes that require major maintenance and follow-through. The materials that I use in my sketchbook are mostly pen and ink, watercolor, collage, and pencil. These materials are immediate. They can transform the idea into visual form as fast as one can draw. Once the idea is out one has distance from it and can begin to evaluate it's importance. One might decide that it's cute and clever but that it doesn't need deeper exploration. Or, the translation into visual form may reveal a deeper significance and relevance. Either way, one can decide to pursue, or not pursue relatively quickly. This perspective has saved me a lot of time and helped me to stay focused on one theme. 

As for all those unfinished projects? We'll see... maybe I'll recycle them. Maybe I'll give them away, or throw them out. I'll probably document them all so I don't loose the threads of their stories (digital cameras are so great for keeping visual notes). It's hard to let them go. I feel a bit like a failure, and like a bad mother in a way, abandoning my children. But it's not really like that. All the pieces are connected. Each one is just a different way of trying to say the same thing. And like with any attempt to explain something it's hard to get it right the first time. One just has to keep on trying, and learning from the experiences one has, it's all about the process. -ation-

Can Project Update

 Last week I sent a follow-up email to my contact at the Market. She responded that she had been really busy and that she hadn't had a chance to show my images/project to the right people yet. She thanked me for the follow-up and assured me that I was on her "to do" list. -- I forget how much time you need to allow for other people's schedules and lives when you are collaborating on a project/anything. So, it's almost another week later and I still haven't heard from her. My concerns about timing are looking apt. - So... I have set in motion plan "B". - There is a local non-profit art gallery/housing coop where a few of my friends live. I have inquired about putting on a show there in the month of July. It turns out they have the entire month open. I know several of the people that live there and I'm fairly certain they'd be supportive of my project.  I wouldn't really be able to do all the performances that I've been thinking of, but maybe I could pick one and then just do sculptures and drawings of the rest. Is it a sculpture if what you are making is a fake commercial product? I think so. It's kind of like Warhol's product pieces, except different. Warhol took art constructs and coated them with a commercial skin: the Brillo Boxes were plywood boxes silk-screened with the "Brillo" label, The Campbell Soup Cans were on a canvas, the ultimate art construct. These are commercial products made nonfunctional, ushered into the realm of contemplation. Whereas my "products" use the convention of commercial exchange to invite the intangible, the abstract, and the personal into the functional, accessible realm of daily life. - I'll email my contact again on Monday. This will be the 2 week mark since I sent her the info and the 3 week mark since my initial contact. In this Monday's follow-up I'll mention my timeline. - I think the gallery is a good option though. It might be nice because I could have a big opening and it could simultaneously be a sort of going away party. It would be the best kind of going away party because I could show people what I've been working on so they'll have an idea of where it is that I am going. It's also a great space to take slides in.

 In other news, the group studio of which I am a part put on an extravaganza last night. There were three bands that played, vaudeville skits, and a preview from a local theater company. It was a lot of fun. I didn't do too much of the planning for the event but I did come up with the name and I helped make a stage set. It was called "The Big Bad Box Extravaganza" (our studio is called "The Box" ; my original name was "The Big Bad Box Bonanza", I love alliteration). The stage set that we made had a sci-fi clown theme, at the request of one of the main bands. So my studio-mate and I made a giant robot clown to sit behind the drum kit. It was kind of ridiculous but it looked great.

Watercolor

From the sketchbook:

This is the same tulip I wrote about in March.

Can Project Pitch

So, I have two major focuses right now. The Can Project and school related busy work. On the art front: I made contact with someone at the market. I left a voicemail, and then she left a voicemail, and then I called her back. I was nervous to describe my project to her over the phone. I like to think that, in person, I am capable of infecting people with enthusiasm so they'll be excited about doing a project with me. On the phone I have to appeal much more to people's intellect, and that can be tricky. Our conversation went well, though.  I did a good job of explaining what the project was about, what it would look like and how it would function. She was interested and told me that she'd like to talk to some other people about it. She asked me to send her some images that she could use to help explain the project. Well, my initial reaction was positive and excited. I planned to get together an impressive proposal email and send it off right away... then I got distracted by life. So, I procrastinated for a few days. I still got the info to her on time though. I sent her three pictures and my resume. I wrote descriptions for each of the photos, and a summary of the project. At this point, I'm still waiting to hear back from her (fingers crossed). I'm beginning to have a few doubts. I do think that I can convince the market to support the project, what I am concerned about is our timelines matching up. I'd like to do the piece at the end of June. When I was on the phone with my contact she casually mentioned that organizing this sort of thing would take quite a bit of time... we'll see. I'm going to focus on getting the project to a completed state anyway. I have so much work that I'd like to finish before I leave. I'm planning to move out west during the month of August, so that's only a few months. I have moved many times and it is my experience that my artwork shifts profoundly when I relocate. Maybe the muses change, maybe it's the resources, maybe it's the context, maybe it's my mental state. Whatever the reason, it happens consistently. I switch gears in the new locale, the projects I was working on begin to collect dust and my attention is drawn to a new pursuit. I don't know if it will happen this time or not. The thing is, I really like the ideas that I have right now, and right now is my opportunity to make them real, venue or no venue. It's hard to be disciplined without a deadline, and without the security of knowing your work will get out there into the world. I guess one just hopes, or trusts, that if it is the right thing to be working on (and your heart tells you that) than one just needs to do the work and something will come of it. Something will reveal itself and confirm for you that you have used your energy in the right way. This is the same sort of idea as Joseph Campbell's "Follow your Bliss". Your heart knows what to do before your brain can translate it into a communicable, or logical format. And you know that you are on the right path because when you begin to take those steps it is as if there is a wind pushing you from behind. There is not so much friction. You feel lighter, your effort accomplishes more. The difficult thing is to trust. Not to be afraid. When we are constantly battling in our lives, when we are always up against friction, a lack of friction can feel like falling. And that can be scary. But we do need to trust and to try and get used to movement without friction.  And when we do than we can enjoy the reward that comes with that freedom, the "Bliss".

On the school front it is a financial whirlwind. I am determined to get savvy with numbers and money. I don't believe in the idea that an artist has to be inept when it comes to business or the financial world. It's all about having the information, and it's out there. I just bought a great book: On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girls Guide To Personal Finance (Interview),(review). It's approachable and super helpful. It addresses the main areas of personal finance and gives simple, clear-cut advice for getting the system to work for you, instead of the other way around. It is definitely geared toward ladies but numbers are numbers, they work for everybody. 

So, there's the money piece and then there's the moving and housing piece. I don't have a place lined up yet but I want to be living in CA in august. Crazy. I'm mostly looking on Craigslist but my school has an online bulletin board as well. I'm also going to email some of the Realtors in the area with a short bio and a description of what I'm looking for. I'm aiming for the best place ever! We'll see. 

May 1

The first day of May (in this time zone). It's cold in the house. my feet are cold, my toes are cold, the table that my arm is resting on is cold, my arm is cold. But I don't mind. My heart is warm, the blood flowing through my veins is warm, my coffee is warm. Today is my Sunday, although it is Thursday for the majority of people in my zone. I'm doing busy work today, and I'm working in the studio. Today I will attempt to arrange a meeting with the person in charge of the space I need, to do the installation I want to do. This is part of the "can" project. I want to  set up an installation and create an event in our local grocery store. There is a good chance of this happening because the store is a co-op. When I was a kid, I used to go with my mom to this same co-op and help fulfill her "worker hours", the co-op member obligation. I would do simple tasks like filling bags of nuts and weighing out dried pineapple. The Co-op has since grown and expanded and is now more integrated into the city as more of a central market. It gets a lot of traffic so it's an ideal space to incarnate this art piece, which, in addition to centering on the theme of communication, refers to the consumer/product dynamic and the marketplace. It is very "grocery-store". 

This co-op is very community oriented, they even have a "Member Art Gallery" where they let members of the co-op display their paintings and drawings and other 2-D media. I'm hoping they'll let me set up the installation there. It's right by the registers, so it gets a lot of traffic, but hopefully it's out of the way enough that I wouldn't be a disturbance. I want to blend in and look natural. I want people to wonder whether I'm a normal grocery store fixture or not. So, we'll see what happens, I'm optimistic. It's going to be a great piece, and who can say no to greatness?

Found Pennies

I found these pennies yesterday. I don't really remember which is which. One of them I found next to a lamp post, outside of a bookshop. The other one... I think I just found it on the sidewalk, I don't really remember. They will go into a collection of found pennies that has been growing since 2005. 

Watercolor

... from my sketchbook.

Thought Pouring

Thought pouring is writing without editing; a documentary of thoughts as they run through the mind. Thought pouring can be done with a specific focus, in order to draw out and externalize relevant thoughts on a certain matter; or it can be done boundlessly in order to allow more personal revelations to occur. -- I use this technique when I have so many thoughts, ideas, concerns running through my mind that I don't know where to begin working on/with them. Also I find that this technique is very useful for revealing unacknowledged thoughts and feelings. The idea is not to judge. To write whatever comes into one's mind. To observe. Also, to let go and not be attached to focusing on one idea that might come up. Sometimes when I engage in thought pouring my writing fluctuates between all kinds of approaches: personal, intellectual, poetic, narrative, etc. I find this exercise very satisfying because I get to give attention to all the things that I am thinking about, instead of having to pick just one or two. 

So: Thought Pouring:

I watched Persepolis the other night. It was really great. Mostly black and white animation with a storybook quality rather than a fast-action type of animation. The story is of a Iranian girl coming of age in  a climate of war and political oppression. It had humor and heartache and beautiful visual elements. It was also educational, for me at least. I know very little about the political history of Iran. It would be helpful to know a bit more about that, these days, as those rumors of conflict, weapons, war are floating around in the breeze. Actually, I don't think rumors like that would float around in the breeze. I don't think the breeze would carry them. I think they must travel some other way...maybe in tiny invisible nuclear powered zeppelins. That sounds more like it. -- I've been doing some prep work for my "can" project. I haven't mentioned that yet. It is one of the things I am working on. A major theme in my work right now is communication. I think communicating is one of the most awesome things ever. It's about sharing ideas, exchange, bringing information and personal knowledge out into the commons. It is the process or action of making something common(shared). <--- That's a revolution right there.-- On a biological level communication is "activity by one organism that changes or has the potential to change the behavior of other organisms." Pretty fuckin' Rad! --

So, the project that I'm working on explores what communication is and how we engage in that experience on a personal and societal level. And yes, this is my "can" project. Why? Because one of the major visual metaphors I am utilizing is the tin can telephone. 

I've Committed Myself

1. I sent in my deposit for school a few days ago. I've committed myself!

2.

Purple Oasis

It's a gorgeous day. Global Warming has brought Spring to this corner of the world a bit early this year. I keep waiting for the temperature to drop back down to 40 (degrees, Fahrenheit), but so far the warmth seems to be sticking. Walking to the coffee shop this morning: Birds: twitter-twitter, chirp chirp, squeak; Flowers: little purple clusters atop 6" electric green stems, teeny-tiny daffodils (which are probably not technically called "daffodils" but look just like 'em), a carpet of purple spreading across a lawn, barely thawed for just a couple weeks (This carpet blooms every year, a little magical oasis in an otherwise average neighborhood), clusters of broad tulip leaves hinting at their blooms yet to come, and buds on trees. Buds on trees! What an amazing moment this is... the first time one sees, all of a sudden, buds on the trees. Little tiny green things. Different for each tree. Different shapes, colors, densities. They POP out, as if from nowhere, all of a sudden this brown/grey armature, which has stood silent for the length of winter, stretches out and yawns. A great big loud yawn followed by a sigh. A sigh of release. The release of the little buds that tell us life is happening again. That the Sap is flowing. That the Story continues. 

Speaking of Stories...

3. I've been watching "Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth with Bill Moyers". It's a PBS series that was produced in the late 80's. It's kind of like storytime for adults. It's fabulous. Bill Moyers sits in for the everyday person as he probes  (the late) Joseph Campbell to talk about the truths that he's come upon during his lifelong search for deep human meaning, and connectivity between cultures. Campbell has met the mysteries of life, he's heard the human stories, he's seen beyond the bounds of the everyday and he speaks about what he's learned very openly and enthusiastically. - This collection requires listening, as it is primarily a documented conversation, although some topics are illustrated with images and documentary footage. The major themes it explores are: "the need for modern myths that fit our changing world, people's search for a hero in their everyday lives, the role of love, romance and sacrifice in myth and in practice, and the concept of eternity in the context of various religions" (from the description on Netflix). This series, or excerpts of it, would be a great supplement to any liberal arts class, and to any person's life in general. Joseph Campbell shows us that all human beings have the same core challenges and questions, and respond to the mysteries of life in remarkably similar ways.

6 Days in San Francisco

The main purpose of the trip was to visit CCA, meet professors and other students, and check out the Social Practice program more in depth. The secondary purpose was to soak up some sunshine, visit friends, and relax a little bit.

Thursday 4/3: The Cantor Arts Center at Stanford University: Rodin, etc.

Arriving at SFO at 11:30 am, we head straight out of town. We grab a quick lunch at a local mall (the prettiest mall I've ever seen, flowers everywhere! Ah, California...), and find our way to the Stanford campus. My friend is a sculptor, he's into the Rodins:

"The Cantor Art Center's collection of Rodin bronzes is the largest in the world outside Paris, second only to the Musee Rodin. More than 50 works by Rodin are on view inside the Center, mostly cast bronze, but also works in wax, plaster, and terra cotta. Twenty bronzes, including The Gates of Hell, on which Rodin worked for two decades to complete, are outside in the Sculpture Garden. The Burghers of Calais are nearby on campus."

Do you want to know what I really think?

It was interesting... but only relatively interesting. Yes, I know he's a "great sculptor" but...  The mangled, mushy, giant bronzes I saw in Stanford?... they were okay, but they seemed more like self-important experimentation than anything else. Of course, I was just off a plane, and tired. Maybe bronze just isn't my thing. It's so heavy. It seems macho and often wasteful. It's certainly an indulgent material; Not just anyone can use bronze... -- I have seen a lot of art and been to a lot of museums. There are some artworks and artists who transcend time and speak to us in the present... and there are some who we respect out of tradition and an intellectual appreciation of context and history. Well, I can appreciate the Rodin sculptures intellectually but it doesn't go much further than that. Decide for yourself:

RODIN-Web.org: This website is the creative offspring of Rodin-enthusiast, and artist, Hans de Ross, in Munich, Germany. It provides plenty of biographical info, has lots of pictures (including the "first 3-D picture of a Rodin sculpture on the web"!), and interactive stuff too. 

Friday 4/4: The Asian Art Museum

Drama and Desire: Japanese Paintings from the Floating World 1690-1850

"Living only for the moment, turning our full attention to the pleasures of the moon, the snow, the cherry blossoms and the maple leaves; singing songs, drinking wine, diverting ourselves in just floating, floating: caring not a whit for the pauperism staring us in the face, refusing to be disheartened, like a gourd floating along with the river current: this is what we call the floating world..."  

—Tales of the Floating World (Ukiyo Monogatari)

approx. 1661 by Asai Ryoi

 

I love this museum! I have to admit that I was a little reluctant to go in. I'm so used to seeing Western art traditions that sometimes it seems like visiting art institutions that focus on other geographical areas will be too much work somehow. Too educational or something. Stupid, right? It was so refreshing! The screen and scroll paintings in the special exhibit were beautifully drawn. Very delicate with fine brush lines and patterns. And they were a history lesson, but a really interesting one. They focused on the pleasure district in Japan, the home of Geisha and Courtesans. - I had a great tour guide who explained how in Japanese culture, sexuality was seen as something natural, and not to be suppressed. They did not look down on the pleasure district as something immoral or degenerate, in fact, prostitution was legal and taxed by the state. Imagine if that were true today in the U.S., maybe prostitutes would even get health insurance! - The general collection was also interesting; a lot of statues of Hindu deities and Buddhist Gods and Goddesses. - The building itself was a very nice space, formerly the main branch of the San Francisco Public Library. -- In addition to "Drama and Desire" they are sponsoring another special exhibit by the artist Zhan Wang (pronounced John Wayne, just kidding). Wang is best known for his stainless steel sculptures of "scholars' rocks", "... graceful, craggy boulders found in several provinces around China that seem to have been sculpted by natural forces into complex forms worthy of thoughtful contemplation - almost like mental or spiritual landscapes." For the Asian Art Museum, Wang created a topographical map of San Francisco using pots, pans, flatware, cooking utensils, and a few steal rocks. The use of kitchen-ware references Chinese restaurants, and the Chinese immigrant experience. The rocks used in the exhibit were taken from the foothills of the Sierras where many Chinese immigrants were employed to mine for gold in the 19th century. 

Saturday 4/5: Visual Studies Theses Presentations

I went to this mostly because my friend, Analisa Goodin, was presenting her thesis: "An Imagined Absence: Images of Loss and the Performance of Representation." She did a great job. - The other presenters were interesting, there are definitely a lot of smart cookies coming out of CCA. 

Sunday 4/6: Graduate Open Studios at CCA

I was impressed, there was a lot of interesting work to see in the graduate studios. 

My Faves (in no particular order):

Christina Empedocles - Girl can paint(!), and she shares my penchant for animals, unconventional juxtapositions, and color. Yay!

Anneliese Vobis - Interesting biological looking, tactile sculptures. She had crystals growing in her studio. Very cool. (p.s. I don't know why her name is spelled differently on her website)

Marci Washington - Edward Gorey meets Vogue Magazine. She's got talent and a taste for the macabre. Check out the details in the wallpaper, carpets, etc.

Sara Thacher - Interactive works focusing on the theme of Exchange. She takes you outside of the gallery and into the social sphere. 

Monday 4/7: Social Practice Workshop

I sat in on a class today. I was mostly overwhelmed and exhausted by the time the class started, so I was sort of just a fly on the wall. They are putting together a book which will be published. Each person contributes artwork, explanation, or commentary. The understanding of what Social Practice artwork is, is still being clarified, so it's useful to put the actions and discoveries of a practicing community into a collected format. They also have a wiki and blog.

The Space devoted to Social Practice students is unconventional by normal MFA standards. Instead of separate studios they share a large workspace. This seems to encourage more collaboration and activity, as opposed to the incubating quality of a private cube. At first I felt a little nervous about not having my own space (the artist's studio is such a coveted luxury) but I'm coming around to the more functional workspace/meeting place. I think it will create more dialogue and keep us working out in the community. 

Tuesday 4/8: Day of Rest

I slept late, broke the fast with fancy coffee and a croissant, and wandered to Japantown to meander between Japanese gift shops, supermarkets, and hardware stores. When I move to San Francisco I will be furnishing my apartment with wares from Japantown (Sweet deals on tea cups!). I found a few additions to my chopstick collection, and I had a fabulous lunch of maki and miso soup. Dinner was with my Hero, a social practice student from CCA, who was sheltering me for the night. We ate at a wine bar and indulged in roasted brussel sprouts, cheese fondue, oysters, and fancy potato cakes. It was a good finale to the trip, which was exhausting, but a success overall.

Dream Council

I dreamt about Susan Sontag last night.

Somehow I ended up in a small intimate room with a few other women. There were comfortable, soft chairs, warm wooden moldings and there may have even been a hint of some incense. We were sitting in a circle, discussing as friends might. Susan had our attention. She was a healthy older woman with silver hair. She spoke with a fervent decisiveness that evidenced her experience and learning. She was a woman who commanded attention, one whom you listened to, without distraction, because it was clear from the intensity of her expression that she was speaking truth.

If only I could remember what she was saying.

She was reading from one of her books at some point, and later she spoke to us on a particular subject (what it was, I can't recall). The last thing I remember was a poem that we were examining. There was some discussion about the last line of the poem. It was challenging to our sensibilities because it used the word "nigger" and so, seemed racist. One woman was questioning her understanding of the line as if to say incredulously, "Is the poem really saying this?". Susan's response clarified that the woman had misread the line and that in it's proper poetic reading, the meaning of the line was not derogatory. -- I'm not sure if I can explain it well, although I do have a sense of it from the dream --. The line was meant to be challenging. It intentionally presented this very loaded word in order to ask the reader to confront their emotions about it. The words in the poem were, themselves, meaningless, they were used because they could illicit a certain response in the reader; they could create a particular emotional state.  The challenge of the poem was to ask the reader to be open and receptive while experiencing unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings. -- Interesting, hmm?--

(I admit, it is hard for me to be open and receptive to the dream, or even myself, for having a dream that uses such a hateful word. But I sense that this conflict is kind of the point. Dreams are like that poem, it is not the actual images or events that are necessarily important, but what you experience through them.)

Well, the only other notable observation from the dream is that I was the youngest person in the room. Whatever that might mean. 

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I am currently reading a book by Sontag: "On Photography" It's been on my bookshelf for years, and my mental list of "books to read" for longer. It's much more approachable than I had guessed. Like John Berger, she writes about history, philosophy, art, and culture, with an easy, unpretentious manner.

I've read another book by her, a novel, titled: "In America". It was fantastic. It presented an interesting historical picture of America at the end of the 19th century. The main perspective is from an Eastern European immigrant, a renowned actress in her home country, who comes to America, with an entourage, to start a new life. In addition to being a lovely journey into the past, and the minds of the different characters, the structure of the novel is surprising, and an adventure unto itself.

Spring Cleaning

On Monday I spent 4 hours in my studio: sweeping, dusting, rearranging, sorting, storing, and purging. Since the new year started I haven't been in there much, so I needed to do some refreshing. It makes such a difference to clean and recompose a space so that it is better suited to ones current needs. It breathes a new life into it. 

I haven't been making much artwork during the past few months. I've been really distracted by the process of applying to school. My nerves have been on the Tilt-A-Whirl, and my mind has been busy with reflection and projection. I've been thinking a lot about the work that I have waiting for me in the studio, but I haven't been working on it. Honestly, I think I've just been afraid. For the past 7 years I've been uber-focused on my process as an artist, and on making work, but it's been mostly in isolation. I haven't had much discerning feedback and now that I know I'm going to have people paying attention to what I'm doing, I'm experiencing a bit of stage fright. I'm someone who has tended to have closet confidence. Deep down believing in myself but, in the spotlight, failing to exhibit my finer qualities and capabilities. I'm not quite sure where it comes from, but I've been challenging myself to work through it for quite awhile.  It's especially important as an artist, where one's most highly valued asset is the ability to express what one truly thinks and feels, to resolve those issues of self-doubt, and self-consciousness. That's why I've decided not to believe in them. It may sound funny to say it that way, but it's true. I mean, actually, I don't believe in them. When I have thoughts that weigh me down, and halt my productivity and the liveliness that is in me, I don't believe that those are true thoughts. They certainly don't serve my purpose. So, while I've entertained them in the past, I will no longer listen to the whispers of personal dissent. It is hard to ignore them sometimes, when they come knocking, but it is possible. Instead of fearing failure, or mockery, or judgement, I will invite the council of experience. I will present my ideas and inspirations to my best ability, and I will let my friend Response complete my understanding of their relevance and value. 

All that being said, I'm actually on my way to the studio.